So it is now going on 1am and that makes it about 26 hours awake. Yet I'm still up. Olivia finally drifted off to sleep and I have to be up for work in 6 hours. Good times. I think the most overrated advice for new moms is "oh just sleep when they sleep." Aww sure...if it were that easy. Either I have to force myself to stay awake became she has finally fallen asleep 15 minutes before I have to leave for work, or I have 3 loads of laundry to do, a sinkful of dishes to wash and formula to make all before she wakes up again, or I'm simply not tired. Yet it never fails that when it is all I can do to stay awake, she is wide-eyed and ready to be entertained. I also don't think the idea that moms can always hear their babies cry, even if they are asleep applies to me because when I do get around to getting sleep, I am frighteningly unconscious.
Part of my inability to sleep come from the fact that being a new mommy is scary!! I often think about how I am going to sufficiently educate and guide this little human into a well balanced, productive adult when my favorite tv is infomercials and made for tv movies. I think every twitch and cough is something bad and I can never seem to keep her at an appropriate temperature. Being a mommy and navigating all the equipment that goes with it seems so easy for some moms.
Being a mom is also a very humbling experience. It's so easy to throw down the judgement when you don't have a kid ("I would NEVER give my kid formula!", "I'm going to have a natural birth", "how can those mothers let their kid watch sooo much tv?!") But when reality hits, things change. You and your baby dont connect the way you thought and you have to go formula, I was the only one suffering with the back labor, and if she likes the bright movements on the tv so she stays calm while I go to the bathroom, then that's the way if is.
Yes. I realize this was mainly stream of consciousness. What can I say....I've been awake for 27 hours.
